Friday night in Chicago

I spent the night in tonight. Matt is in Wisconsin with his dad, and I had homework to do. I decided I would also do a load of laundry while doing homework (mostly as a part of my procrastination - after fixing and rehanging a mirror and trying on different dresses for an upcoming wedding), but I digress.

As I walked through the alley to get to the laundry room door of my building (yes, I have to go outside) I noticed someone laying behind a couple of garbage cans. He moved a little and woke up when I walked by, looking a bit startled.

I decided to walk back into the apartment using the front door. Not because I was afraid of the guy, but because I wanted him to not feel threatened by someone walking by.

As I returned to homework, I sit at a desk in front of a window. The window faces the alley. I stood up and tried to see if I could see him from where I was sitting. I couldn't. But I also couldn't stop thinking about him. I decided when I walked back down to change my laundry over to the dryer I'd bring him something to eat and drink.

I found a Lean Cuisine chicken sandwich in the freezer, so I decided that'd be quick to make, even if it didn't taste the best. I made it, wrapped it in aluminum foil, grabbed a can of Old Style, and headed down through the alley.

The man was no longer there. I left the sandwich and the beer where he was, though, in case he came back. Or in case anyone came by needing a meal or a beer.

It really sucks that people have to sleep in alleys. It sucks that they don't feel safe, even if others are more afraid of them. I need to do something to help, more than just leaving a sandwich or buying a stranger with a sign a meal.

Well, I guess I should stop trying

So, I had been thinking about home and how my mom was doing, since I never heard back about the Mother's Day card that I sent. I went to AOL and wrote her an email, putting in both email addresses that I have for her. When I clicked send, this happened:

So, that was like a punch to the gut. But I didn't give up, I just went to my gmail account, copy and pasted the email, and sent it from there. No more than 30 seconds later, I received 2 bounce-back emails, stating the same error message about not accepting email from that account.

Well, I hope she's doing ok. I'm probably kidding myself in thinking that someone else put the blocks up, but you never know. Sort of sad, really.

In laws

Tonight, Matt's mom introduced me as "my future daughter-in-law, I hope"

I'm up north with Matt's family. After dinner, Matt and his dad wanted to go fishing for walleyes, but Matt's mom, sister and I were more interested in just hanging out. So, the 2 of them went back to the cabin to fish while Fran, Megs and I went out in town, in Minocqua.

We went to a place called Otto's - it's a local joint, with a really neat interior. Judging by the beers on tap and the size of the tables, we were in a German bar - well, at least Minocqua's version of one. Once we realized having 3 people sit at an 8-person table seemed odd, we were more than happy to welcome a family of 4 to sit at one end of our booth. Did I mention it was a booth?

As they sat down, they introduced themselves, as did we. Fran introduced me as her future daughter-in-law (she hoped) & it was a pretty cool feeling.

Tonight was probably the first night I was with Matt's family, but went out without him. Normally, I may have some qualms about it, but tonight, there was no hesitation. I knew he and his dad wanted to get some fishing in, and I knew I didn't & neither did his mom or sister. I had no problem going with them to have drinks while the boys went fishing.

Tonight was really cool & made me feel more a part of this family than I ever have before. (Even if that's scary and forward to say).

July 6th

So, that's my start date. Just found that out. I'm officially going to be changing careers.

Wow.

Further info to add to the confusion

So, I stopped by the center yesterday to pick up my New Hire/Company Handbook packet. All of the communication inside seems to indicate that it's expected that I will be working at the center when it opens. Yet, still no official offer. And by "official offer" I'm mainly speaking toward compensation. Perhaps its best for me to assume the worst, and expect to be offered the lowest possible salary. I can only be pleasantly surprised, right?

I reached out to the director again last night, just for final confirmation on start dates & compensation. I want to have that figured out, so I know when to write and deliver my letter of resignation to my manager. In addition, I want to have some time off between ending this job and starting the new one.

Looking around at my desk, it seems weird that I'll soon be leaving. No one at the office even knows I'm back in school. Not even those I consider good friends who I hang out with outside of work. It's amazing that it hasn't slipped out whilst enjoying some adult beverages. I can't wait for the day that I can tell my employer that I'm leaving. But I'm also expecting it to be bittersweet, after all, I've been here for five years.

Where the eff have I been?

First, I apologize for the lack of posts recently. To be honest, I've been holding my breath, hoping the next blog would be about accepting a new job. A job that I turned down another offer for. A job that I feel could be an awesome opportunity.

Well, I received an email on April 29th about this job that I'd gone through three rounds of interviews for.The email, in not so many words, mentioned that hours/salary/start date would be determined soon. So, essentially, a very cryptic offer letter.

Let me back track and fill you in on the job - I would be working as an assistant teacher in the infant room at a brand new early childhood center on the northside of Chicago. "Infant room teacher?" you're probably wondering - what do babies need a teacher for, right? My thoughts exactly before I did observations in an infant classroom last quarter. There is SO much an adult caretaker/teacher can do to foster the development of an infant. And babies don't just sit around and do nothing - they explore, they crawl, the look around, they are constantly adjusting to their environment, and constantly dealing with new & exciting things. In any case, this position would be a great starting point for me, in hopes of having my own classroom with them eventually. Overall, the center serves children from 6weeks - 3 years old.

Ok, so back to the email... After not hearing as quickly as I'd preferred, I got in contact with the center's director, expressing my interest and asking for further clarification of the offer. Back and forth the emails went. One thing I also forgot to note - because the center is brand new, it's currently being built... so, construction of the center has also been a reason for the delay.

So, over the weekend, I was told more about the position - I'd essentially be working part-time from 7:30 - 1:30. Now, I was preparing for a drastic pay cut - but this was also with the assumption that I'd be working full time. I suppose 6 hours is better than nothing, but it's still a bit of a downer for me. I'd likely have to get another part time gig, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. My start date would be sometime in July, hopefully.

Matt and I are moving in August to a more affordable/cheaper place. Where we live now is great, but it's just not feasible on a new, much lower salary. I have some savings too, so I don't think I'd be in *bad* shape, it's just not ideal.

I was really excited about this opportunity, and still am to a degree, it's just now reaching the point of being quite real & facing that is a little scary.

Mother's Day

I haven't seen or talked my mom since Christmas of 2007. My mom and I were never that close, never really had a real mother/daughter relationship. I think it took a turn for the worse when my sister passed away in February of 1993. In addition, neither of my brothers made life very easy for her. After many irresponsible and unforgivable offenses, she continued to take them in, after no one else would. She has put an incredible amount of herself into them, neglecting any needs I may have had. It always seemed that because I always received good grades, participated in sports and extra-curricular activities, didn't drink, kept myself out of trouble, that I wasn't in need of parenting. It would make more sense for me to be angry with my brothers for that, but I refuse to continue to give them any of my feelings.

I didn't receive anything from her for Christmas or for my birthday. Gifts aren't important, but a simple "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" would have sufficed. "It's the thought that counts" has never been more applicable, at least for me. I think I may have received a picture of a birthday cake via text message this year, however, I didn't recognize the number, just that it came from an 815 area code.

It's both tough and embarrassing for me to write and post this. There are far more reasons why I have trouble with my relationship with my mother, many of which only 2 or 3 people know of. This isn't the platform for it, and I don't think it'd be fair to my mom, but there are reasons to validate my feelings.

I started writing this post because I was on my way to send my mom a mother's day card via email and was struggling with it. I know if she ever received it, she would appreciate it. I'm just not sure she deserves it, from me.