Mother's Day

I haven't seen or talked my mom since Christmas of 2007. My mom and I were never that close, never really had a real mother/daughter relationship. I think it took a turn for the worse when my sister passed away in February of 1993. In addition, neither of my brothers made life very easy for her. After many irresponsible and unforgivable offenses, she continued to take them in, after no one else would. She has put an incredible amount of herself into them, neglecting any needs I may have had. It always seemed that because I always received good grades, participated in sports and extra-curricular activities, didn't drink, kept myself out of trouble, that I wasn't in need of parenting. It would make more sense for me to be angry with my brothers for that, but I refuse to continue to give them any of my feelings.

I didn't receive anything from her for Christmas or for my birthday. Gifts aren't important, but a simple "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" would have sufficed. "It's the thought that counts" has never been more applicable, at least for me. I think I may have received a picture of a birthday cake via text message this year, however, I didn't recognize the number, just that it came from an 815 area code.

It's both tough and embarrassing for me to write and post this. There are far more reasons why I have trouble with my relationship with my mother, many of which only 2 or 3 people know of. This isn't the platform for it, and I don't think it'd be fair to my mom, but there are reasons to validate my feelings.

I started writing this post because I was on my way to send my mom a mother's day card via email and was struggling with it. I know if she ever received it, she would appreciate it. I'm just not sure she deserves it, from me.